iNcredible iDiocy

Having witnessed the recent furore over the iPod nano, I’ve realised something about the average consumer. It’s hard to put my finger on it, but I’ve encapsulated my feelings into this: they’re fucking idiots!

I’ll be the first to admit the device is sexy. It’s so sleek and pretty, if it were a girl, I’d probably have been rejected by her by now. But don’t you realise the nano is basically what the Shuffle should have been? You know the shuffle, the MP3 player that didn’t even have a goddamn SCREEN? I was aghast at how they managed to turn an incredibly obvious flaw into a marketing advantage.

The worst part about it? It worked. Mindless sheep, all lulled by Steve Job’s seductive siren’s call, bought it in droves. “But… but… it’s so easy to use!” they’d say. What’s wrong moron, get confused by a monochrome screen telling you which song is playing?

So now the same thing is happening to the nano. People on my MSN contact list are already changing their nicknames to “iPod nano! Ooooh I want one!” or something equally stupid. So to finish off this rant, I’ll offer the good folks at Apple this great idea that would make a handsome addition to their iPod product line.

iPlug
Being a mere novice in the world of S&M, I’m not really sure what buttplugs are for, but they can’t be good (which means they are good). Anyway, Apple can now make iPlugs, little white plugs that fit snugly in anyone’s cornhole.

The best part about it? It’s so easy to use.