In The Miso Soup by Ryu Murakami

With a rhino’s ass, I made a commitment. A commitment to you, my loyal reader. I promised changes for better or worse, and with this post, I deliver.

I recently borrowed In The Miso Soup by Ryu Murakami, who shares the same namesake as Haruki Murakami, one of the most famous modern writers around.

Now, I tried reading one of Haruki Murakami’s books once, and to be honest I was as bewildered as a gay man at the Playboy Mansion. So, I borrowed this book, wondering if both authors share, along with a surname, the same surrealistic, dreamlike style that both enchanted and confused me earlier.

Ok I was lying. I borrowed it because the inside cover said something about the ‘Japanese sex industry’ and ‘serial killer’. To paraphrase a famous movie line, “You had me at hello sex.”

Alright, back to the book. Kenji is a young Japanese man working as a tour guide for foreigners who want to experience the red light districts of Tokyo. He makes a decent wage, has a nice girlfriend, and thinks he has seen his fair share of the typical lonely foreigner looking for a good time. Until he meets his new customer, Frank.

Almost at once, he finds Frank different, and not in a good way. His manners are eccentric and he creeps Kenji out to no end, especially with the gruesome murder of a schoolgirl in the area the day before. Slowly as the night passes, he begins to suspect that Frank and the serial killer on the loose are one and the same…

In The Miso Soup is a well written thriller, and for all its promises of sex, it is strangely devoid of any (I had major issues with that). What it does deliver though, is paranoia and blood. If you are squeamish, best avoid this book as it has one, and only one, violent scene which is equal parts disturbing and funny.

Unlike the typical thriller, it doesn’t paint the killer as an evil monster, but rather a monster that has reasons that are totally alien to normal people. The thing is, although we can’t empathise with him, he genuinely believes in those ideals, so what right do we have to judge?

If you’re looking for a quick, entertaining read, you could do worse.

It still sucks that there was no sex though.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

Change, like taking a morning leak, is inevitable.

Up till now, this blog has mostly consisted of insightful, well-researched and thought-provoking pieces commenting on events shaping the world around us. Who the hell am I kidding, it's been just a bunch of inane crap written by a devilishly handsome individual with too much time.

So instead of just writing senseless bullshit, I will attempt to supplement this blog with something a little meatier, and I’m not talking about porn links.

In the coming weeks, I’ll try to do some reviews on some of the stuff I come across which I deem worthy of writing. Movies, music, books and the like, you know the drill. Visiting this blog will actually be like, useful and shit. Hard to imagine, I know.

But wait... do I detect the foul odour of disbelief in the air? Well, I can't blame you guys if you don't believe me. Like how I said I’d add pictures in my first post, but haven’t. Or have I? Behold:

With my beautifully composed picture of a rhino's rear end, I believe I have silenced all my critics, while at the same time inducing female visitors with an unbridled desire to get to know me better.

You wish! Sorry ladies, but I’m not that easy. (I was lying, email me PLEASE!)

Say What? A Guide To Misheard Lyrics

Admit it, we’ve all at one point or another got the lyrics to a song wrong, only to find out the ugly way, like when crooning a tune to a girl who has filed a restraining order against you. (The cop arresting me pointed out how I got Air Supply's 'I'm All Out Of Love' wrong, how embarrassing!) Me? I meant this guy I know.

I’ve come across a couple of doozies in my time, and here they are, in all their unfiltered glory. I will examine the correct lyric first, then what the person thought he or she heard.

Jessie’s Girl – Rick Springfield

Correct lyric:
You know, I wish that I had Jessie's girl

Alright, not bad. This dude obviously has a case of girlfriend envy. We’ve all been there before. Alright, I’ve been there before. Back off!

What I heard:
You know, I wish that I WAS Jessie’s Girl

“Woah woah woah… He wishes he was what??” That was my first thought upon hearing this. I didn’t believe they’d let such ‘liberal’ lyrics on air! I thought my country had finally opened up, but I was sorely mistaken.

Lemon Tree – Fool’s Garden

Correct lyric:
I wonder how, I wonder why

Ok, this song was one of the most annoying one-hit wonders ever to exist. I personally didn’t hate it that much though. It was catchy!

What my friend heard:
I walk around, in my car

This really bothered me. How can anyone walk in their car? If he could, he had a huge car. Like a limo or something. My friend didn’t care though, even after I pointed out the error. To him, Fool’s Garden had huge ass cars with walking room.

Animal Song – Savage Garden

Correct lyric:
I want to live… like an animal…

Right. This Darren Hayes dude had (at the time) hordes of nubile teenage girls at his disposal, and he sings about wanting to be an animal. Or is he into a particular sub-category of porn? We’ll never know.

What my friend and I heard:
I want to live… like a CANNONBALL

This totally baffled us, and we spent countless hours discussing how someone can live like a cannonball. I mean, a cannonball is an inanimate object, right? You can’t technically ‘live’ like one because it simply does not live, like animals and humans do.

We should’ve spent those hours getting to know girls, I realise now.

Ironic – Alanis Morissette

Correct lyric:
It’s like rai-eee-ain, on your wedding day

Cool song. Angry and bitter, perfectly fitting in with my mid-90s teenage years. Shame how we later had to see her stand nude in the street for her ‘Thank You’ video. I hate you Alanis.

What my friend heard:
It’s like RADIOOOOO

I won’t even bother trying to come up with a rationale for this one.

So I hope this teaches you something, aside from the fact that I have simply too much time on my hands. Ok I can’t think of anything else aside from that.

Until next time, peace out!

Line 'em Up

Yo yo yo what up homies? I know it’s been some time since my last update, but things have been getting pretty hairy (figuratively, not literally) for me in recent months.

Not to worry though, the hairiness is under control, and I'm back with a list of cool movie lines. Check em out.

Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back

Darth Vader: No. I am your father.

Luke Skywalker: Nooooooooooo!

An all time classic, who doesn’t know this one? I often repeat this with wild abandon. With the emphasis on Luke’s wimpy “Nooooooooo!”. Not many people appreciate it though.

Terminator

The Terminator: I’ll be back.

The ultimate badass line. By the way, he did come back. In a truck.

Bridget Jones’s Diary

Mark Darcy: I like you, very much. Just as you are.

I watched an Oprah special (uh… it was the only thing on tv) and apparently this line will just kill any girl you say it to. Fun fact: without even watching the film, I said the exact same line to a girl once, with complete honesty. Did it work? Well as of now, I’m alone in my room, typing this. What do you think?

Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me

Dr. Evil: Why make a trillion when we could make... billions?

Scott: A trillion's more than a billion, numbnuts.

The sheer brilliance of the above lines says it all.

Troy

Achilles: Is there no one else? Is there no one else!?

It’s not a great line, but the advertising for the movie kept repeating it until I went partially insane. Also, the fact that anonymous people on the street kept saying it did NOT help. Brad Pitt looked ripped in the movie though, props to Brad.

Goodfellas

Tommy DeVito: How am I funny, like a clown? What is so funny about me? What the FUCK is so funny about me? Tell me. Tell me what's funny.

This line was delivered so well that you could actually feel the tension emanating from the screen. Too bad Scorcese’s movies of late haven’t matched his earlier work.

Ok so that's it for now, if you have any cool movie lines of your own that you feel I left out, post them in the comments section or the tagboard.

Until next time, peace out!