Purveyors of sewage merge into misshapen monstrosity

For those who care about crap television, local free-to-air television rivals Mediacorp and Mediaworks have decided to end their bitch slapping and make up. How will this affect the unfortunate people who lack cable programming?

No prizes for guessing that this will only mean more awful programmes as now Mediacrap will be free to divert even less resources to producing quality shows (not that any existed in the first place) since there’s no competition. This means more local productions with concepts stolen from American shows, bad acting, longer commercial breaks, and more Monday Mega Movies which pre-date the Jurassic era.

Which brings me to this question: What was the real difference between the two? Both are in one way or another linked back to the government. Both sucked (Mediaworks sucked marginally less) and both had news programmes which displayed an astonishing lack of journalistic freedom. I can only imagine (with some glee) the actors who left Mediacorp for Mediaworks being made to crawl back into the Mediacrap offices to beg for their jobs, just like what Kurt Angle did when he was General Manager of Smackdown! (which produces infinitely better drama by the way).

Ok, enough of this, I’ve gotta prepare for Tuesday’s airing of Titanic on Channel 5, they’re showing it ALL AT ONCE this time!

The Secret Meanings Of Friendster Testimonials: A Guide

I’m sure everyone knows what Friendster is. For the uninitiated, here’s a brief rundown: Friendster is an online service which lets you connect your online profile to your friends’ and so on. It’s supposed to help long-lost friends get in contact and help existing friends understand more about each other.

In my personal experience however, Friendster is used to see if any of the people you know have hot chick friends and also to see how lame-ass and pretentious some people’s taste in music, movies and books can be.

One thing you will come across is the testimonial. Mostly it’s one friend burying his or her face in another’s ass, boosting his or her ego to ensure that that person also writes a similarly glowing testimonial for the writer.

Attractive people (especially females) will get another type or testimonial, and it’s this kind of testimonial which I will spend this entry analyzing and breaking down.

Here’s a typical testimonial an attractive female will get:

I’ve known Angel (fictional name) for 4 years and what can I say but this is one totally crazy and kooky gal! She parties like there’s no tmr and isn’t afraid to speak her mind. Guys, if you’re thinking about chasing, you better be careful, this is a chili padi. She is really cute, but watch out when she sleeps, she snores like a bear!

Let’s break it down:

I’ve known (girl) for XX number of years and what can I say but this is one totally crazy and kooky gal!

What it really means: He is trying to show that he has had a history with this girl and any new suitors had better watch out. Young stupid people equate craziness and kookiness with being unique although these same people are as bland as communal bread, since everyone’s crazy and kooky. Or so they think.

She parties like there’s no tmr and isn’t afraid to speak her mind.

What it really means: By saying these two things, I am acknowledging that you are a modern woman and I will respect you as such. I am a great choice as a mate.

Guys, if you’re thinking about chasing, you better be careful, this is a chili padi.

What it really means: Said in mock seriousness, this is really a serious message. It sends out two messages, one for suitors by implying that he knows the girl quite well, and another for the girl herself, to show that he is totally comfortable with her modern attitudes.

She is really cute, but watch out when she sleeps, she snores like a bear!

What it really means: This tease is to get the girl flustered, which will ensure he gets her attention and a flurry of IM messages from her. It also adds to his roguish allure.

To summarise:

Hey Angel (once again, not a real name), by writing this testimonial I’m trying to subtly drive home the point that you’re one hot chick and I wanna bone ya real bad.

I think with this example I’ve explained about 95% of the Friendster testimonials out there. No need to thank me, the pleasure was all mine.